Thursday, March 30, 2017


I kept wondering
If u ever noticed me
Noticed myself
Noticed me as in my true self
Wanting to know me
So much that you wanted to know more about me
So much that you hope that I am dreaming about you
Like what I always did
Did you?
I wonder what did you see in me
Or do you just walk past me without having the bit intention to ask me something
Or maybe ask me how am i doing
Or waittt
Did you even know me, my name?
Yup I am delusional, thinking that it would mean the world if you would knew me

I felt my future is dark
Knowing that my past self was the reason
For my bad future possibilities
To love someone
And having someone loves me back
Will I ever get through this hardships
Because I have no one else except h and f that knew my secret
My biggest secret
Even my family I did not tell them
I am afraid
I am really afraid
I am to blame too for cutting my friendship with others
The group that always make me happy
I turn to you O Allah
Everyday was a mess for me
Shine your light so I can see
What have I been missing this whole life

If there will be one day that all of the lies of mine exposed, I am not quite sure myself,
I kept calming myself that everything will be okay but I would be lying if I am not scared by opinion of surroundings. I am sorry. I felt I am undeserving of everyone's kindness and compassion.